Choosing a Surrogate Mother. Where to Find Better?

Choosing a surrogate mother for your child is the most responsible step of the whole surrogacy process. At this stage, each couple has two main choices – either to find a surrogate with the surrogacy agency or without it, on their own. It is extremely important to carefully weigh all pros and cons and to read about all the advantages and disadvantages of each of these choices. Many couples nowadays prefer to work with a surrogate who they know well such as a close friend or a member of their family. At the same time others don’t have such candidates and are still deciding what choice will be better and where to start. It’s not so easy to find a surrogate who fits ideally all your requirements but there is nothing to worry about. In this article, we will consider all the pros and cons of finding a surrogate via the surrogacy agency and on your own. We hope after this information making a decision will be much easier for each couple who hasn’t decided yet. We divided this article into four main stages at each of that we will consider the plan of actions with the surrogacy agency and without its, as well as advantages and disadvantages of both of them. Let’s start!

Stage #1: Creating a Surrogacy Plan

Option #1: You decided to use surrogacy agency services.

The first step of the surrogacy process is to create a surrogacy plan. In case of choosing the surrogacy agency, the professional with whom you will work helps you to determine your main goals for the surrogacy and main requirements for the surrogate you’d like to work with. You will also have to decide which part of your budget you are going to spend on the surrogacy services, how much you are going to be involved in the whole process, and your other additional preferences. When all these moments will be clarified, they will be collected in your profile which will be available to all surrogates in order to find an ideal match. At the same time, when you will be waiting for the match, the surrogacy agency professional may present you several candidates which fit your requirements. Also, at this stage, you will have to pass through the screening process provided by your surrogacy agency. This process includes your home assessment and other important moments that will prove your ability to provide the future child with everything necessary and to cover the financial compensation of a surrogate.

Option #2: You decided to find a surrogate on your own.

In case if you decided to do everything on your own you should take into account much more important moments in comparison with the case of working with an agency. You will have to perform all the processes of matching and planning on your own. The consequence of your actions may vary a bit but in general, it remains the same in many cases. You need to perform four main steps:

  1. Find the desired surrogate mother for your child;
  2. Check the surrogate’s physical and mental health and its financial stability;
  3. Find a reliable attorney who will perform all the necessary legal part of the surrogacy process;
  4. Find a reliable clinic with a good reputation who will perform all the necessary medical examinations and procedures.

It’s more difficult than using the surrogacy agency services but everything is real. The most important moment here is to carefully consider and perform each of the above-mentioned steps.

Stage #2: Find an Ideal Match

Option #1: You decided to use surrogacy agency services.

When your surrogacy plan is created and all the details and your goals are discussed there is a “wait time”. During this time period, you should wait until surrogate (or surrogates) whose goals and requirements are similar with yours will contact your surrogacy agency. This period of time can be shortened if you are flexible as much as it’s possible (it refers to your budget limits and plan requirements). In this case, you will have much more options to choose your surrogate from. Also, you should be open-minded when selecting the ideal surrogate and look through their profiles. Finally, it is very important to create a good positive impression through your surrogacy plan in order to have more surrogates who want to work with you.

When you will find an ideal match whose goals are similar to yours and who fits all your requirements, the professional from your surrogate agency will arrange you a meeting or a phone call when you will be able to discuss the details and to know each other better. If after meeting both of you decided to move forward and go to the next stage, it’s time for the legal side of the surrogacy process. Both you and your surrogate will have to sign the contract with all the conditions and important moments of the surrogacy process.

Option #2: You decided to find a surrogate on your own.

Each of the couples who decided to find an ideal match on their own should bear all the process of finding a candidate and arranging a meeting on their shoulders. The process of finding a surrogate differs depending on whether you have already know the person who agrees to become a surrogate mother for your child or not. In case if don’t know such person or if for some reasons she refused or doesn’t feet your requirements, your actions will be similar to the actions of the surrogacy agency. You will have to find a surrogate through your personal connections, various surrogate websites, social networks, attorney referrals or ads. It will be more difficult and time-consuming than using surrogate services but at the end, you will have the same result – if after meeting both of you agreed to work together, you will have to draft and sign a contract with all conditions of the process.

Step #3: Consider All Advantages

Option #1: You decided to use surrogacy agency services.

As a rule, modern surrogacy agencies with a good reputation have the experience which is proved over the years, so to find the surrogate you need will not be difficult for them. Both planning and matching procedures are easier to perform with the help of professionals who know well all the peculiarities of such work. Among the main advantages of using the surrogacy agency services are the following:

  • Surrogacy agencies carefully examine both parents and surrogates to prevent all possible misunderstandings and problems;
  • Surrogacy agencies have huge databases with thousands of surrogates all over the world, so it will be much easier for parents to find the ideal candidate who fits all the requirements for their future child;
  • In addition to the services of planning and matching, surrogacy agencies offer parents support at each stage of the surrogacy process, helping and answering all their questions during the pregnancy period and after it.


Option #2: You decided to find a surrogate on your own.

Some couples decide to perform the process of finding the surrogate mother on their own basing on their preferences and goals. This decision also has some advantages in comparison with finding an ideal candidate to surrogate mother with the help of the surrogacy agency. Among the main advantages of performing this process on your own are:

  • In comparison with the agency, couples who find a surrogate on their own are able to contact their surrogate as many times as they need. For many people it’s important to know the surrogate well enough prior to drafting and signing the contract;
  • The financial side of the question. Of course, finding the surrogate on your own will be much cheaper than pay surrogacy agency for their services. The one thing you will have to pay is medical examination and procedures, and attorney’s services.

Step #4: Consider All Disadvantages

Option #1: You decided to use surrogacy agency services.

Together with advantages each of the options you can choose from has its own disadvantages that also have to be carefully considered prior to making a decision. For many couples, it is much easier to pay for the surrogacy agency’s services and wait until professionals will do their job and find you a perfect match. However, this option also has some disadvantages. They are the following:

  • Nowadays there are a lot of agencies and not each of them is reliable enough to provide you with the desirably high-quality services. Put your attention on the agency’s reputation when choosing;
  • The financial side of the question. In comparison with the independent search of the surrogate, surrogacy agency’s services are much more expensive, so you have to take it into account while planning the general expenses on the surrogacy process;
  • In case of using the surrogacy agency’s services almost all contacts between you and your surrogate are conducted with the presence of the surrogacy professional which may be extremely inconvenient for people who want to know the surrogate better.

Option #2: You decided to find a surrogate on your own.

Choosing and finding a surrogate mother is a better choice for many couples. It is cheaper and the whole process is controlled by you and no one else. For some families, it is very important and desirable. But this option also has its disadvantages and they are the following:

  • Besides planning and matching, other surrogacy services are more difficult to perform on your own;
  • You don’t have a database with the surrogates, so the prosecco of matching can last longer;
  • You should decide for yourself whether the surrogate matches your requirements or not and whether you are ready to work with this candidate;
  • You may not get all the important information about the surrogacy process;
  • You risk facing with the fraud because of the absence of screening requirements for the surrogates.

Regardless of which way you choose, the process of finding a good surrogate has also been a challenge. You should just be ready for all the difficulties that may occur on your way and gradually move toward your goal.

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